It’s been a minute…

Sorry guys, took a few weeks off for what us writers like to call personal reasons, but in the interest of being completely honest with everyone it really just means I didn’t have shit to write about.  Not gonna blow any smoke you guys’ way, we’re better than that.

Last Week’s Best Dining Bet:

King Wah – Now Kimberly Kerr on this link said you should go to Del City if you want good Chinese food, but then you would have two issues – 1.  You would get sub-par Mandarin Garden Food and 2.  You would be in Del Shitty…  King Wah is as good as it gets on the east side of OKC.  I grew up on this place, and go back weekly.  There are easily 70 dishes on the menu, but I’ll break it down to the best two…  Hawaiian Chicken or the Combination #4.  Now I’ll admit she’s not much to look at on the outside, the red patent leather seats make you stick to them in the summer, and they always play the same music overhead (an Asian inspired rendition of the score of “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly) but this place is phenominal and just the right amount of kitsch.

 This Week’s Best Dining Bet:

Misal – Normally the OSU fan in me makes me forget there is even a Norman in OK, but this place will sure make me remember everytime…  Whether it’s something super spicy like the Vindaloo (remember, what burns going in tends to do the same coming out) or a beginner’s dish like the Tandoori Chicken, you’ll appreciate the light fresh flavor.  Make sure you order something other than soda to drink though, might I recommend the Sweet Lussi or the Lebanese Tea…  Whatever you get, though, is sure to be some of the best Indian food you can find in OK.

There are the picks for last week and this week, so now I’m caught up…  On to more pressing matters…

If you know me, you know my back is shot due to 17 years of kicking ass and tending the pipes for such great soccer teams as The Blue Crew, Tegrat, or the world famous Scoregasm F.C., and now I need a new hobby to go with fishing and being a hardcore OKC Thunder fan.  I’m thinking about something a little more rugged and with the ability to get me back into shape…  I’ve narrowed it down to a few things and need input (OoOoO a johnny 5 reference) on what I should do.  I’m thinking mountain biking, roller derby referree, or Wii Fit God, but I’m open to other suggestions…  What do you guys think?

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A New Idea and A New Fear

I’m going to throw out a new idea for everyone to ponder.  If you don’t like it, tough, I’m going to do it anyway.  Also, I think it is going to lead to free things for me, so I’ve got to give it a shot.  Once a week I’m going to give a shout out to a local restaurant and give them a high-five for a dish they make that I couldn’t live without.  Maybe I’m watching too much Food Network, but I really want to get some of these places out there so you readers can see we have more options than “Steak and Potatoes”…  and mexican food. 

This Week: 

Bolero Tapas Bar and Grill –  Normally, I would scoff at their menu as pretentious and over-priced, but then I tried the goat cheese and honey.  They suggest it as an appetizer, but i would eat it for that or even dessert.  The other tapas are good too, I liked the scallops quite a bit, but this is the dish that would make me come back for more.  Especially on their “Tapas Thursdays” where they serve free tapas and have drink specials.

MY NEWEST FEAR:

We all know that I have several fears, some rational like heights or elevators, others that are irrational like demonic possession or that my entire existence is just a dream some random guy is having, but we’ll add a new one to the list under RATIONAL…

The more I read things on the internet (social networks especially) and in text messages, the more I fear that our whole civilization is forgetting how to spell and basic concepts of grammar.  Maybe I just hold everyone to a higher standard because I have an English degree and thought all of this was common sense, so I’m just going to list how important all this is, and why I spend so much of my time secretly judging those who mess up the following (these are the biggest pet peeves):

  1.  If you don’t know the difference between THERE, THEIR, and THEY’RE your grandmother hates you.  If your grandmother is dead, THERE is a good chance she and Jesus are discussing THEIR mutual hatred for you, and THEY’RE pretty sure you are hopeless.
  2. Please figure out the difference between YOUR and YOU’RE.  If I get one more reply to something I said that says YOUR retarded, I’m gonna puke.  All that makes me think is “My retarded what?”
  3. VERB TENSE, VERB TENSE, VERB TENSE…  You have never boughten anything!!!  You’ve bought several things…
  4. DOUBLE NEGATIVES make a positive…  If you don’t go nowhere, then you are really saying you go everywhere.
  5. I’m making sure the good Lord reserves a special place in hell for anyone who does not text me in complete words, or without punctuation.  I need the message to impart information, not be a riddle.  I’m not in it to play MAD LIBS…
  6. Finally, with the advent of technology, there is no excuse for misspellings.  If you are unsure of how to spell something, open a word document and give it a shot.  It will tell you if it is correct or not.  The red lines aren’t just for decoration.

Of course, I’m a little more lenient on our friends across the pond.  I don’t feel I can judge them given that they did invent the language…

Let’s Keep Our Fingers Crossed

If Eastern Religion has it right and Reincarnation is how all this life stuff works, then I have a few requests:

First and foremost, I’m going to need to be able to come back in the past.  Preferably in a time period more conducive to my next life’s ambition.  What could you possibly want to be in your next life that you can’t be in the future you might ask, well I’ve got some big dreams for the next life.  I’m gonna be a ninja, that’s right I said it.  Capital N little -inja.  I can’t see a future that would allow me to walk around, better yet, stalk around in my black pajamas with my sword, dagger, shurikens, and possible smoke bombs.  Of course, I’m not gonna be a cliché ninja, I’m gonna Irish it up, hooligan style.  Why?  Well because I’ll be one step ahead of my ninja brethren.  I’ll know everything they know, plus the future, and if I’ve learned anything it’s that you’ve got to have a calling card.  Mine will be this…  Not only will I have the standard ninja arsenal, but I’m going to have a new weapon…  Tube sock full of either quarters or a tube sock with a cue ball in it…  That I’ll let you guys decide in the poll at the bottom of this blog.  Here’s the rationale.  Tube sock full of quarters allows for more devastation given that I can add more weight when necessary, yet the jingle-jangle of quarters would be a dead giveaway vastly affecting my body count.  The tube sock with a cue ball would allow for the stealth and would still allow for a good amount of carnage, but I don’t like the idea of being able to customize the weight of my signature weapon.  I guess that’s up for you guys to decide though.

On a side note, upon spell checking this it was suggested that I change “-inja” to jinja.  Is a jinja (ginger+ninja) more threatening than a ninja, and if so would it be more worthwhile for me to be one of those?

Parking Lot Etiquette and My New Neighbor

First and foremost, I would like to apologize to the five of you who check this thing waiting for new posts.  I’m sorry, but I’ve been bunkered down in the old bomb shelter waiting for the weather to blow over, just like Gary England said to do.  I’ve got a couple things on my mind today so I figured I’d throw it all into one post.

Parking Lot Etiquette

I don’t know how many of you out there have a situation like mine, but where I work I have two spots reserved only for patrons of my company, and about 15 spots for the Starbucks next door.  Normally we coexist in the same lot without much interference (except for the wafting of espresso scents into my office all day), but here lately Starbucks patrons have gotten a bit lazy, and I might have to make my stand.  Abotu two times a day some Edmondonian decides to park in front of my location and saunter their designer impostered purses, scarves, and boots over to Starbucks for their morning (or afternoon) fix.  Meanwhile, somebody’s grandmother has to hoof it from our back forty (more like 15) so they can stop in to the store.  I could look past it if it weren’t for how the situation comes to a close.  It always ends with the Edmondonian sitting in there car, taking a nice long suckle from Starbuck’s recycled paper and post-consumer plastic teat, then looking into my store at me and giving me a smug little smile, like they got one over on me.  Jokes on them, I’m gonna make the Pegasaurus dress up like a giant cellphone and harass them from now on.  Might even cover their windshields with collateral.

My New Neighbor

I’ll let the cat out of the bag, I’ve applied for a position within my company that could have me move quite a distance from home.  If all goes according to plan I could end up in Knoxville, TN.  I’m in the process of interviewing and all that goes through our corporate office.  Well, I got an email last week Friday saying I was to interview Monday (yesterday) in Knoxville at 11 am.  Obviously, there was no way to make it as I was still in the bunker, and Hell had literally frozen over.  I called up the person setting all this up and was informed I could also interview in Iowa if that was more convenient…  I’m thinking somebody needs a map.  I’m two states away from either place.  This isn’t like jumping into the car and heading to Dallas.  Knoxville is 13 hours away, and Iowa, well, does anyone even care?  Just goes to show you, poor old Oklahoma, nobody knows where we are…  I think we’re the easiest to spot too, we look like a pot.

It’s Armageddon Kids, Get Your Helmets…

Sorry the weather really opened up a can of worms with me… 

Here is another thing that’s been bugging me:

I’m starting to think that our weathermen here in Oklahoma get kickbacks from those who make essentials when bad weather hits.  I’m sure propane, bottled water, and non-perishable food producers line ol’ Gary England’s pockets everytime he gets the state fired up for “Blizzard ’09”, “Ice Storm ’07”, or “Rapture ’10” (or will that be 2012?).  Gary has seen a lot though, he is the guy that was nearly fired for broadcasting the world’s first severe storm warning, or however that story goes.  It’s Mike Morgan who could disappear for all I care.  I mean to tell you if there is a drop of rain on a night it wasn’t expected, he hits the button and cuts into our regularly scheduled program.  Then we get five minute updates, always beginning with an apology for interrupting, but he isn’t sorry.  He’s trying to hide a chub, and he isn’t fooling anyone.  Good thing nobody watches NBC anymore, right?

“Cloud Event With a Chance For a Rain Event” or Gee, My Farts Smell Good

So the world will be ending here in Oklahoma at some point in the next 24 hours; if our local weather men are to be believed.  It’s hard to tell anymore, since every storm is a major “weather event”…  What on earth is that?  It’s rain, snow, sleet, wind, thunderstorms not something smug like a “weather event”.  Lewis Black was right, it isn’t something I’m going to buy tickets to attend.  The worst part is that normal everyday people, good people, people who have every right to grow old and sit on a porch and discuss the weather (which is our right in OK), are now walking around sounding smug talking about how they “hope this little ice event doesn’t ruin a perfectly good weekend”.  really?  What are you going to do this weekend, sit around and smell your own farts?  That’s what I imagine smug people doing, thanks to South Park, it helps me cope…

Welcome… All five of you…

I’m trying not to feel self-concious or ridiculous about typing this right now; mainly because I know that the only person for sure going to read this is the “proofread” button I’m going to hit before I post this.  I started this mainly to share all the random things that run through my head which I feel are too amazing to not share, but I feel like I should make a disclaimer that there is no filter on what goes on in my head.  There is going to be some absurdities, some irrational thoughts, occaisonal repetitiveness, and (as you could guess) it’s all tinted with cynicism and can get a bit rude…  I won’t apologize either, I’m free to write what I want, and you’re free to read it or not…  Except for you “proofread” button…

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